🌀 Living with Borderlinepersonality Disorder (BPD) is neither a straight nor an easy path.

Welcome to this space.

This project stems from a true story: BPD, anxiety, setbacks, emotional relapses, unseen blows, and rebirths that almost no one celebrates. Here you'll find a journey told without filters: what I experienced, what I learned, and what I continue to learn every day.

My intention is simple: that this space be of service.

That whoever comes here finds words of comfort, tools that help, or at least the relief of not feeling alone.

I'll talk about mental health, boundaries, family, therapy, and how I've had to rebuild myself more times than I'd like.

I don't intend to give lessons.

I share what sustained me when everything was crumbling.

If any of this helps you, it will have been worth it.

What you have in your hands is:

1. 🧩 True Story

My journey living with BPD, anxiety, setbacks, therapeutic processes, and constant rebuilding.

2. 🛠️ Resources and Tools

Strategies I use to regulate myself, manage emotions, maintain boundaries, navigate parenthood while living with a long-term disorder, and survive day-to-day life without losing myself.

3. 🤝 Support from the Ground Up

I'm not a therapist.

I'm someone who has been at the breaking point many times and learned to get back up without any drama.

There are no miracles here; there is honesty, reality, and support.

Childhood: growing up amidst noise and silence

Childhood: Growing Up Amidst Noise and Silence

My childhood was a strange place: too much noise when there was alcohol, too much silence when affection was lacking. I grew up seeing substance use as normal, as part of the environment, without understanding that it was scarring me from within. I learned to survive before I learned to live, to adapt to the chaos so I wouldn't break. But the chaos didn't just come from home. It was also at school, where from fourth to eighth grade I was "the sea cow." A cruel nickname, repeated daily, that haunted me for years. The bullying wasn't just insults: it was feeling watched, singled out, ridiculed for existing. It was entering class with my body tense, waiting for the next comment, the next laugh, the next stare. It was going home trying not to cry so no one would see how much it hurt.

I didn't know it then, but that boy was already carrying battles that weren't his. Battles that made him grow up too fast. Battles that later haunted me into adolescence, in my impulses, my self-imposed demands, my way of loving and defending myself. And yet, that child survived. He endured. He faced things no child should ever have to face. And today I'm still learning to nurture him from within, to give him the love he never received, to tell him it wasn't his fault, that it never was.

"That story doesn't define me entirely, but it explains many of my wounds and also some of my strength today."

ADOLESCENCE, YOUTH AND ADULTHOOD: 35 YEARS WITHOUT KNOWING HOW TO GET HOME

✨ Running from Myself

For many years, I lived trying to escape who I was. I sought refuge in life changes: new places, new jobs, new people, new routines. I moved constantly, hoping that by reinventing everything on the outside, something inside me would finally fall into place.

🌒 An Emptiness I Didn't Understand

Every country I visited, every project I started, every door I closed behind me was a desperate attempt to find peace. But upon arriving at each destination, I found myself exactly the same as before. I didn't know then that Borderline Personality Disorder had been silently accompanying me for years. I only felt a burning intensity, a mixture of extreme sensitivity and internal storms that overwhelmed me without warning.

🌿 What I Didn't See Then

For a long time, I thought my unease was a product of my environment. That by changing cities, my history, my people, or even my skin, the pieces would finally fall into place. But no move, no adventure, no fresh start could extinguish that restlessness. It was like running after a shadow that always caught up with me.

🔥 The Silent Struggle

It demanded that I keep going as if nothing was wrong, feign strength, construct personas that fit every scenario. But inside, the pressure was immense. I lived in a constant state of alert, with emotions that rose and fell as if unstoppable, trying not to break while everything overwhelmed me.

🌅 Understanding Myself Was the First Step

The day I stopped running away, something different began. I understood that I wasn't broken, just wounded. And that no escape would save me if I didn't truly look at myself. Recognizing my emotional history, my way of feeling, and my limits was the real beginning of the journey.

🌤️ Finding Myself, Finally

I discovered that my emotions weren't an enemy, but a deep part of me that craved structure, calm, and care. And that I could learn to hold them without hiding. It wasn't easy, or quick, or pretty all the time, but it started to become real.

💛 Today I look back with a different perspective.

I know that desperate search was also a form of survival. It was my imperfect way of asking for help without knowing how. Today I understand that I wasn't running away from the world, I was running away from my own pain. And that stopping running was what allowed me to truly begin to live.

"I tell it this way because this was my way of surviving; it's not the only way to live with BPD, nor does it define everyone who has it."

🌑 The Fall

The story doesn't begin with my achievements, nor with the times I pretended to be okay, but with the day I hit rock bottom. That day when everything collapsed at once and my life could no longer be sustained by excuses, impulses, and noise. Nothing fit, nothing covered it up, nothing served to maintain the facade.

🌫️ When the World Closes In

I remember that feeling that everything was coming crashing down on me. It wasn't a specific blow, but the culmination of years of carrying an intensity I didn't know how to manage. That collapse wasn't an accident: it was my body, mind, and soul saying enough is enough. An uncomfortable, almost unbearable silence appeared, but also the first crack through which a ray of truth entered.

🔥 Fear and Clarity

In that fall, two forces coexisted: the fear of not getting out of there and the brutal clarity of understanding that I couldn't keep running away. It was the first time I looked at myself without disguises, without characters, without new landscapes to escape to. Seeing myself like that hurt, but it also awakened something that had been dormant for a long time: the will to rebuild myself.

🌿 The Real Beginning

If someone wants to understand who I am today, they don't have to look at my most recent steps, but at that initial ruin. That moment when I had to stop, confront my own emotional history, and choose to move forward in a different way. That collapse was my starting point, the root of everything that came after.

This is my way of telling it: not everyone living with BPD goes through the same fall or the same path, but perhaps someone who recognizes themselves in some of this can feel a little less alone.

THE AWAKENING

🌑 There was a day when I stopped running.

It wasn't a grand moment or an epic dawn, but it was a point of no return. That instant opened the door to everything that followed: facing my past, ceasing to bury the pain, looking at myself without anesthesia, and starting to rebuild myself from scratch.

🌫️ For years I lived running.

From my emotions, my wounds, my impulses, my own inner turmoil. I thought that enduring was the same as living, and that surviving was enough. But life confirmed that it wasn't: that the body takes its toll, that the mind demands its space, and that the heart, when you don't listen to it, eventually breaks.

💛 The day I stopped running didn't make me strong.

I became honest. I saw myself as I was: fragile, tired, wounded… and yet still capable of being reborn. That was the true beginning of my transformation, the point where I started choosing calm over chaos, truth over fear, and life over escape.

🌅 If you truly want to understand where it all began

And how my recovery, conscious parenting, and my current way of living with BPD were born from that point, click here. The complete story is there. Unfiltered. Unmasked. Just as it happened.

"This is my way of experiencing change; everyone living with BPD travels their own path, but I hope this story reminds someone that they too can rebuild their life."

Effort, process, and personal work

🌟 The Day I Stopped Running

There was a day I stopped running. It wasn't a grand moment or a heroic dawn, but it did mark a turning point. A point of no return. That instant opened the door to everything that followed: facing my past, ceasing to hide what hurt, looking at myself without protection, and starting to rebuild myself from scratch.

🌫️ Years of Running Without a Destination

For years I lived escaping my emotions, my wounds, the inner storms I couldn't name. I believed that enduring was enough, that surviving was equivalent to living. But life has a strange way of confronting you with yourself. The body takes its toll, the mind demands to be heard, and the heart, when ignored for too long, ends up silently breaking.

🔥 The Unexpected Turn

The day I stopped running didn't make me strong. It made me honest. I saw myself as I truly was: fragile, exhausted, wounded… and yet with an immense capacity to start anew. That was the true beginning of change, the moment I chose calm over chaos, clarity over fear, and life over escape.

🌿 The origin of everything that followed

If anyone truly wants to understand where my journey began, they must return to that point. From there sprang my recovery, my way of living with BPD, and my conscious parenting, the kind that sustains everything else today.

✨ Here begins the complete story

If you want to delve deeper, follow the thread, and see how that breakdown gave rise to a new way of being in the world, come here. Everything is told as it happened: unfiltered, unmasked, unadorned. Just the truth.

“This is my story of change; each person living with BPD travels their own path, but I hope these words accompany those who are beginning theirs.”

REPAIR AND PRESENT

🌟 My Present

Today I live accompanied by my scars, the limits I learned to recognize, and the long work it took to rebuild myself. I walk with more calm, with more truth, with a gaze that no longer runs from itself.

🎨 A Body That Tells Its Story

My tattoos are not dark marks or reminders of defeat. They are canvases. Each one was born in a moment of revelation, of change, of brutal clarity in the midst of BPD. They are small epiphanies drawn on my skin: chapters where I understood something important, doors I closed, paths I opened, decisions that saved me.

🔥 Ink as Refuge and Strength

When I couldn't find another way to channel what I felt, those lines became a creative outlet, a way to keep from breaking down. And, in a way that still surprises me, someone always appeared willing to tattoo me without asking for anything in return. As if life wanted to make sure those moments were etched in my memory. It's incredible.

🌿 If you want to know my present

If you truly want to understand how I live today, how I transformed wounds into meaning, and how I turned my story into something I can wear with pride, come in here. Everything I am now stems from that journey.

“My scars and tattoos are not a sign of madness or danger; they are the way I found to remember that I am still here, learning and taking care of myself and my loved ones.”

What you'll find here:

After so many years learning to manage BPD, anxiety, guilt, the physical and mental struggles… I understood something that took me half a lifetime:

my story is worth less if it only benefits me.

That's why this page isn't a diary or a personal shrine.

It's a place for anyone who is lost, scared, or tired to find something I didn't have in time:

a real, honest, and unembellished path.

Here you'll find:

🛠️ Tools and strategies

Things that work for me in real life to live with BPD, regulate impulses, identify warning signs, understand my own limits without shame, and stay grounded even when emotions threaten to pull me off my feet.

🤝 Support from experience

I'm not a guru, a coach, or enlightened.

I'm someone who has been through similar experiences to yours, who has made countless mistakes, and who still keeps moving forward.

That's where I speak from: from experience, not from a pedestal.

🌿 A space of calm and clarity

The noise of the mind can be suffocating.

Here I try to bring order: how to navigate a crisis without destroying yourself, how to ask for help, how to hold on when your body is exhausted and your mind is pounding relentlessly.

✨ Real reflections and lessons learned

You won't find motivational quotes or posturing here.

You'll find things learned in therapy sessions, on difficult nights, during moments of rebuilding, and also on days of unexpected calm.

And all of this has a simple purpose:

That no one has to go through this alone.

That your path is shorter, clearer, and less painful than mine.

That you find a way to hold on even when everything is shaking.

If anything you read here helps you, even by a millimeter, it will have been worth it.

Where am I going:

🌟 I keep walking, with my scars on display

And with who I am laid bare, without disguise. I don't strive for perfection, I strive to be awake. Each day I understand a little better this tired body, this noisy mind, and the calm I'm building little by little. I grow as I can: sometimes slowly, sometimes in fits and starts, but always forward.

🔄 BPD has shaped many of my decisions

My relationships and how I react to the world. For years I lived on autopilot, driven by impulses, fears, and exhaustion. Today I don't deny that part of myself, but I don't define myself solely by it either: I am more than my diagnoses, my mistakes, and my crises.

🧭 I walk with greater awareness

With more tools and less shame in asking for help when I need it. I still have dark days, but they no longer color everything. Now there are also moments of presence, of tenderness, of quiet laughter. I don't walk alone. He's with me, and that also guides many of the decisions I make.

🌅 This whole journey points to the same place:

What I left behind, what I'm repairing, and what I still have to learn. A more serene, more honest, and more vibrant future. A future where BPD still exists, but doesn't control me.

✨ A cleaner, clearer future

Not because I was a monster before, but because now I better understand my limits, my needs, and my strengths. A future where I can be present for myself and for those who walk beside me, without ceasing to be who I am, but with much more peace around me and within me.

Important notice: The information on this website is for informational purposes only and does not replace medical, psychological, or psychiatric care. In case of emergency or emotional crisis, contact the appropriate health services. 📞 112 📧 ayuda@vivircontlp.com · Legal notice · Privacy policy · Cookie policy